Who am I?

Who am I?
I really dont know.
I have no identity,
it's just all show.
There is no me,
just what u want to see.
Someone u have been looking for
but never met before.
The facade stays for a day,
or a week or a month
and then falls slowly
to reveal lack of substance.
And so u leave disappointed,
sad and alone
wondering y the mirage
couldnt be real to the bone.

Searching but never finding it....maybe I should stop looking

some poetry written in the wee hours of the morning.....so please bear with me....so here goes. More will come later as I finish editing them.

Missing

There he stood, all teary eyed,
crying his heart out, holding his ball
didnt know where to go
lost that he was
while roaming with his mum
shopping for some M&M's
One minute she was there
the next she was gone
and so he there stood
bawling his heart out
And then she came running
his mother, bags and all
hugged him and comforted him
to convince him she was there after all
As I stood watching all this
found myself wishing for something too
I too was lost
in this store called life
with no idea where to go
had just abt enough of the strife
I too wanted some love
some sympathy, some care
in short want someone
who'll say dont worry
we both will share
But I dont see anyone come running ,
so no hugs for me,
And so I move on
looking for that hug I seek.
Yes the heart does cry,
and feel real sad
but what can one do,
just smile for the world
and say it's not so bad

An epiphany(Yes I do think this can be called one)

I was up thinking last night. Yea I know...same old same old. But seriously this was different thinking. I think (dont u think that is too many thinks)for the first time I was really objective.

I am guessing that most of those who read this blog have read some of the great works of literature( so that they know that I really am an amatuer) especially the ones in which you have the tragic hero facing strife all throughout his life and there is'nt always a happy ending for him.

I think I too see myself in that same mould. The tragic hero image. Only that I dont suffer through even 1% of the hardships those characters go through in their lives. Infact come to think of it my life has been pretty cushy. But me being the drama knd(cant call myself the drama queen) has to make up for this by making up slights within myself or knowingly inculcating bad habits so that I may have some hardship to strive against.

But I guess I was too successful in my endeavor. The habits are so much a part of me that they now define me. So what was in short an effort to spice things up has totally changed the flavor instead and is fast becoming unpalatable if it has'nt already gotten there yet.

I guess I can't shed that image of myself as a long suffering person who'll pass through untold grief and will stand tall when he comes out triumphant. It's as if I enjoy the suffering and the pain and that I dont want to get ahead in life cause that would mean an end to the bitching and whining sessions. I do'nt think I am into S&m or something like that but I was wondering if I actually was inviting the pain...

Surprisingly all this came to me while I was watching an episode of Caroline in the City(cute sitcom... like that character Richard...also forget the other female in the series...the one who dances in the musical Cats). Won't go into the details of the show...suffice to say that it was "nice".

Anyways looks like I'll have to grow up a bit and leave all the built up images behind. Though it was fun while it lasted....until it went out of hand that is. So guys wish me luck since I am goin to be shedding some skin here. Might let you all know how I find the real me since I doubt I know what is the real me. So that is all for now. Got to go and study guys.....advanced school and all. Will get back to u all with more blogs as and when I find time. Till then...adios amigos

Swap

no title...just played god

wrote some and deleted some.......nice exercise.....felt good. Sould try it more often. its liberating.